It's the time of the year to remind all Street Puppies of the importance of maintaining some kind of civility in dealing with other people, civilians and Puppies alike.
Whether you are panhandling, bumming a smoke, stealing a beer, borrowing a charger, or trying to nail your best friend's ole' lady, there is a certain way to do things in order that you do not come up looking like an uncivilized Puppy.
Especially now, when demeanor is sooooo important because everybody has a spotlight on Street Puppies during the holiday season, when the wallets and the kitchen cupboards open wide in the name of holiday cheer.
First, the cigarette situation.
If you are going to bum a cigarette, for goodness sake, bum it from another Puppy, not a civilian.
Imagine being a civilian, just standing around minding your own business and some guy (you) rolls up on him, looking like you haven't slept in a year and a week worth of hair growth out your nostrils and you say, "Hey, you wouldn't have a cigarette on ya' would ya'?
What's he supposed to say? If he's smart, he'll say, 'as a matter of fact I don't, and get that hair cut out of your nose.'
Now, the proper way to approach a civilian with a request for anything is to say, 'Sir, I realize you are busy and I don't mean to stand in your way while you're trying to cross the street, but I really have a craving for a cigarette, and if you smoke, I would be delighted if you would share just one with me.'
You can amend that to include anything, such as money, a bus pass, or a new pair of nose scissors.
Ok, but if you are bumming a smoke or a quarter from another Street Puppy, you know the rules.
First, don't do it, but you will if you are an undisciplined, selfish, uncivilized Puppy and you need to remember that he or she is just as bad off as you are and for Heaven's sake, you're panhandling from another Puppy.
Second, if you're going to borrow anything from another Puppy, give it back.
Quickly.
No, 'can I hold five dollars for you for a week,' then forget you know the guy. No taking his phone charger for a half-hour then disappearing with it. No borrowing a cell phone to call your sick mother and then running his minutes out.
And then there's the problem of outright theft.
Do you really think the person whose 'spot' you have been sharing lately does not know that you are the one who stole his whole four pack of Natural Ice two nights ago when you were relieving yourself behihd the tree?
And what about the food stamp thing when you took his card and sold it for beer money even before he knew it was gone?
Oh, and then there's his ole' lady, and the time when he was in the slammer and you tried to convince her you are the better man for her? (You know, the one who gets the big check every month)
Yeah, theft is a bummer anytime, but in Homeless Nation it is especially sneaky and mean, and if you persist in this way of thinking and acting you will never make it out of the Nation.
But that's ok, so long as the bummed cigarettes, the purloined beer and food stamp cards and chargers and cell phones hold out, and the women with the big checks you'll be just fine.
But, because it's the holiday season, maybe give all of that a rest for a bit and enjoy and treasure the fact that generous - and there are many - people are so willing to give to and love Puppies during this season, and all year around, and they regularly do and being honest about all of it is the best way to go.
And if you can't get with that philosophy, well, remember, there's always....Karma.
Happy Holidays to all the Street Puppies, and no, I don't have a cigarette for sale, I'm not going to let ya' hold five dollars for me, ya' can't use my charger, and I know nothing is wrong with your mother so ya' can't use my phone either.
