WE'RE ALL MAD HERE

"But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice
remarked.
"Oh you can't help that," said the cat: We're all
mad here. I'm mad, You're mad."
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the cat, "Or you wouldn't
be here."


From "Alice in Wonderland"
by
Lewis Carroll


So, like Alice, you tumbled down the rabbit hole.

Except, you were not following a White Rabbit, and this is not Wonderland.

This is Homeless Nation, The first place on your journey to the adventure into the unknown, and things are getting , as they did for Alice, "curiouser and curiouser," one of the many famous phrases from the book, and used to describe an event with extraordinary wonder.

And the book, a delightful mix of humor, wisdom and satire, is chock full of events described with extraordinary wonder.

Personally, I think much of the book, while very entertaining and enlightening, was written while Charles Lutwidge Dodgson (that's Lewis Carroll's real name) was sitting around with that green caterpillar in one of the book's chapters.

The green caterpillar who was smoking the blue hookah.

But, yeah, you are down the rabbit hole , and, here in Homeless Nation, on an adventure into the unknown, and just about everything is getting curiouser and curiouser about this event of extraordinary wonder, including the glimmer of the thought that is forming in your mind.

The thought that you may have gone mad.

No home. Nobody covering your back. Little or no money. No job. You are homeless. You are a street puppy.

You don't look the same way you once looked. But you haven't seen a decent mirror in a while, since they were taken out of the Burger King restroom in order to dissuade street puppies from peering into them while taking that morning cat bath.

So you don't really know how you look, except for the occasional curious glances of alarm sent your way by citizens of that other nation, whenever you dare to venture outside homeless nation.

Yeah, you've either gone mad, or you're dreaming a very bad dream.

But if you're dreaming, why do your feet hurt so much? Why don't your clothes fit so well? Why are you hungry? Why do you have a constant, nagging ache in your upper back molar? Why do people tend to move away from you in the small queue at the bus stop?

Can't be a dream. Dreams end, and you don't remember much about them. But you remember all of this, day by day. One long blur of muffled sounds, and fuzzy visions and mysterious pains and stifled feelings you are remembering even as you live within them.

Yup, you've gone mad. And everybody around you is mad. Aren't they?

Well, doctors have a name for this particular madness. They call it the "Alice in Wonderland Syndrome, " a disorienting neurological condition which affects human perception.

And the "Alice in Wonderland" syndrome comes with some hefty symptoms.

Distortions which recur several times a day and can last from a few minutes to a few weeks. And the sufferer can become alarmed, frightened, and even panic-stricken.

Hmmm...sounds like a typical day in the Homeless Naiton.

I mean, you wake up. You have no idea what time it is. It is dark, but you went to sleep when it was light. and now, everything looks distorted in the glare of the street lamps blazing near your sleeping spot.

But it was light out when you went to sleep, because you had nothing to do for the rest of the evening, except to lie down and try to remember to wake up very early, before the police find out that you are sleeping at a spot clearly marked, "No Trespassing," and stop by and wake you up, and ruin the rest of your whole day with the arrest, and the handcuffs, and the booking.

So, yeah, it's dark outside. And everything looks distorted in the glare of the street lights. Even your hands and feet look distorted. And occasionally you wander into forbidden territory because that "No Trespassing" sign looked like it said, "Just come on in and have a rest."

And now, another, and the most prominent symptom of Alice in Wonderland Syndrome...altered body image, makes an appearance.

And the sufferers of that sympton will find that they are confused as to the size and shape of parts of...or all of the body. Right, like when you go to sit up, when you first awaken, and your head hits the tree right behind you and you realize you forgot that your head is bigger when it's covered in five ski caps. And that you can't feel your hands because you slept on them.

Or when you get back from the store where you had a voucher to get some new used pants and you realize they are way too big, and then you realize you didn't know how much weight you had lost when you looked at the pants...only looked, because you are not allowed to try them on in the kind of places where you take the voucher to get them.

Sense of taste and smell and touch is also affected by this affliction. That uh, stew you ate at the "feed" last night, well, you couldn't really tell by tasting, or smelling, or even touching it...what it really was. But you know it wasn't cous cous.

One of the more alarming symptoms is actual intense and overt hallucinations. Either seeing things that are not there, or just misinterpreting events and situations.

Remember the twenty dollar bill you had in your hand, the one the generous person gave to you at the bus stop, without you even asking him for it?

Well, poof! It disappeared, right after you passed the corner bodega that sells beer.

And that gal you were supposed to meet after the church service where they serve the raspberry scones and coffee after the two hour service? Well, hard to remember, now what was her name? Was her hair black...no blonde ?

How old was she? Did she come on to you...or did you make a fool of yourself and ask for her phone number while maybe leering at the little bit of leg showing below her used Calvin Klein one size too small levis? And why would you ask for her number? You don't even have a phone.

Was she there at all? Or were you staring too long at the church's stain glass windows with the pretty angels, who, in your distorted, altered perception , may have been talking to you?

Relax. Don't panic. And don't tense up. You do that, and those pants that are too large will fall right off.

You are down the Rabbit Hole, and things are curiouser and curiouser,and they will stay that way, as long as you are in Homeless Nation.

It's nature's way of protecting you until you can navigate your way back up the Rabbit Hole.

And, hey, enjoy it while it lasts. It's not everyday when you can look at those big feet of yours and imagine them fitting into those slim, black leather Gucci ankle boots you once dreamed of buying if you could only have fit into them!

And take comfort in the fact that this "Alice in Wonderland" syndrome has been around a long time. And that Lewis Carroll, could possibly have written the book while he was sitting around the hookah with that green caterpillar.

And, in your altered state of perception, you can also believe that he wrote the following quote from the book just for street puppies.

MAD HATTER: There is a place. Like no place on Earth. A land full of wonder, mystery and danger! Some say to survive it, you need to be as mad as a hatter. Which luckily, I am!