Those wild and crazy Brits have come up with an oh so proper term for homelessness. Sleeping Rough.
You know, the kind of term that fits with that stiff upper lip kind of attitude they take across the pond with everything, like when one of their oh so proper, over-educated lords or ministers ( their version of congressmen and senators) are caught, uh, well, sleeping rough.
But, now, they've taken it too far. And we are not amused.
One of their major domo fashion designers, a real British Dame no less.... Dame, Vivienne Westwood, knighted by the Queen of England herself... well, the Dame recently launched a new fashion line in a major fashion show using models dressed like rough sleepers. A British rendition of 'homeless chic.'
In fact, the whole fashion show, was a 'rough sleeper theme'. And it was a smash hit.
The fashion writers present breathlessly described the audience as breaking into rapturous applause as the flashing cameras captured the models emerging from cardboard boxes , some carrying bedrolls. The catwalk was carpeted with a lot more of those cardboard boxes, and the models hair was all dishelved, and discolored by something silvery, 'so they would like they had been sleeping rough and had got frost in their hair, and caught a cold and they sneezed a lot.'
The models, acting as roving, sneezing vagrants while light tripping down the catwalk were dressed in things like quilted bomber jackets, snug hoodies, and actual battle gear, sequined backpacks of course, and multi-colored neon ski caps. Apparently the only thing missing from these roving sneezing vagrants get ups were gold lame purses dripping with snot.
The Dame had the well known British common sense to launch this new fashion trend in Italy. Probably because those wild and crazy Italians will let anybody over their borders, even rough sleepin' , sneezing, roving vagrant look alikes, while the Brits won't even let a sniffling cocker spaniel through their international customs terminal.
One of the visiting fashionistas, you know, the kind of high maintenance celubutart who actually buys clothes at these high toned fashion shows then wears them home and frightens the children, said, while swooning over the show, "It is a little close to the bone, the nearest I have come to homelessness is going home and finding I don't have my door key, I mean what a disaster that is, dying to get into your house and you can't...and heavens, what if it isn't there anymore?" Poor Baby.
They have their nerve, don't they? I mean, making fun of , and taking advantage of their own homeless people by putting white silvery stuff into a model's hair to make it look like they'd been sleeping in the snow and stuff and then having the gall to charge mucho shillings for what passes for fashion. 'Homeless chic', indeed. Well, what do ya expect from a nation of folks who invented sensible shoes.....and Burberry.
And even the Queen, herself, that dear national treasure, got into the act of taking advantage of rough sleepers a couple years back when she got caught trying to sneak her house, Buckingham Palace onto the poverty list so she would be eligible for enough free fuel to heat all of those empty drafty rooms where they keep the good silver and pictures of the Queens twenty or so corgis. Ha! She got some heat all right, from the citizens of her own country when they found out she was trying to sneak about a million pounds out of their national treasury that had been designated for anti-poverty funds. What cheek!!
Then, of course, you know how the Royals are, tidying up after each other Last winter, there was himself, the heart throb of the family, the hunky Prince William sleeping rough in an alley behind some dumpsters so that he could "get a feeling for what they are up against.'"Ahem.
He was also in the company of five or so well armed guys fitted out with eyes in the backs of their heads. And, true to the royal code of dressing down, was clad in blue jeans, a hoody and a ski cap and tennis shoes. No sequined back pack for him. Or that white stuff in his hair.
Ok, we in homeless nation are not amused, but we're not going to fret over it too much, and seeing as how young William was willing to take one in the chin for his grandmum, we won't whine too much about this matter of the 'homeless chic' thing. And Hey, they still export some great stuff to us, like Monty Python and Eddie Izzard
.
And they ain't got nothin on us in the fashion department. Any day, down at the bus station we got all kinds of roving sneezing rough sleepin' street puppies strutting their own 'homeless chic'. I've seen more Gucci, Chanel, Ralph Lauren, Calvin Klein, Adolfo, Givenchy, Versace et al gear here in homeless nation than on the whole of Fifth Avenue and Rodeo Drive combined.
Granted, it's not mixed or matched up too well, seeing as all of it comes from the closets of snappy dressing real rich people by way of thrift stores and free vouchers, but it warms the heart to see that even in desperate circumstances, a lot of our street puppies have the fashion sense to at least wear the labels on the outside. Shows we know class when we see it.
You go, street puppies, You keep on struttin' those designer labels. I especially like the older guy reeking of Versace cologne, sporting the Gucci loafers with the Calvin Klein suit bottoms, the Adolfo flared sleeve shirt over the t-shirt that blares "Kiss Me I'm Irish", topped off with a sassyTommy Hilfiger suede jacket.
Like I said, those wild and crazy Brits got nothin' on us.
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