WE, THE PUPPIES.........

We all know about the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and the Bill of Rights

Or we street puppies here in homeless nation thought we did, until recently, when we decided, why not secede? That's right, secede from that other nation. Diplomatic relations with the other nation are rapidly souring and have taken on an ugly note of late, so, why not just secede?

Well, it was either that or get a divorce.

And divorces can get darn messy, and real expensive, you know, arguing over alimony, baring the skeletons in the closet, lawyers fees and splitting hairs over the pets and the lawn furniture and the jumbo TV thing that's so big it's got it's own zip code.

See, secession would be better, because we could actually get support from other nations like Cuba and the Antarctic and Alaska.

We can just call up Cuba and the Antarctic and Alaska and say, "Hey, we're seceding," and you betcha , Cuba will send us a bunch of 50 year old jalopys we can sleep in and sugar cane we can sell on the street on Sunday, and the Antarctic can send us Penguins, and Alaska can send us, um...polar bears and snow shoes.

All of Which will be absolutely no good to us at all, except for the 50 year old jalopys to sleep in. But, hold on. Actually, come to think of it,, we can dress up the Penguins and Polar Bears in t-shirts and snow shoes and bandanas so they can look nice while they sell the sugar cane on the streets on Sunday.

Ok, the foreign aid is taken care of. (Ha! wait'll they find out we got nothing to give back!)

But we're getting ahead of ourselves here. First, we have to establish ourselves as an entity. An actual nation. And that's where the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution and the Bill of Rights come in.

We're going to be cherry picking a lot of those important and hallowed documents. You know, just taking the things we really need for the time being. And actually, the other nation was real sweet about this whole thing - probably thinking what a clever way to get rid of us - and they said, hey, take our constitution and bill of rights, we're not using them right now, anyway.

So, ok, we're going to do that, it'll save on copier paper. But we need to make a few changes to some things. Especially that Bill of Rights thing.

It needs some, as Ricky Riccardo would say, some 'splaining'. Cause ya see, when we started looking over those important documents we are borrowing until the other nation sees the sense in using them again, at first, everything seemed to be in order.

Declaration of Independence? Darn tootin', whata way to say to that madcap, King George, "We are outa here."

And the Constitution goes right to the heart of the matter: "We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and to posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America."

That document is the supreme law of the United States, and is the oldest written constitution still in use by any nation in the world.

The Bill of Rights is attached to the Constitution and to put it simply, is a list of amendments which spell out exactly the rights guaranteed by the Constitution. But, we realized the other nation's Bill of rights doesn't really adequately cover what we really need here in homeless nation.

First Amendment. Freedom of Religion and speech. Absolutely. We got that here. Couldn't survive without all of our wonderful churches and clergy. They give us spiritual backbone, and nice clothes, and good food. And unconditional love. And freedom of speech? well, hey, you wouldn't be reading this or a whole lot of other things without it.

Second Amendment. The Right to Bear Arms. Well, when you consider, in parts of homeless nation, the only moral caliber is a .38, why not.

Third Amendment. Protection from quartering of troops in time of peace. A little hazy, seeing as how 18% of our citizens are vets. But so long as they don't go charging around with RPG's under their arm and lay off on the war stories a little bit... sure.

Fourth Amendment. Protection from unreasonable search and seizure. Okay, here is where the problem starts. In fact, it was an ugly incident a couple of nights ago which sparked this whole secession idea, and laid bare the inadequacies of that particular amendment. Big Time.

Some people got it into their heads that it was ok to go into the sleeping quarters of some street puppies and, well, let's say, shake things up...or down.

And, seemingly, on paper, those people were right. When a puppy is trading up for shelter and food, and stability and security, the puppy has to give up some things. There are curfews, there are rules, there are simple infringements which will supposedly guarantee the safety of all in return for abiding by a few supposedly benign rules.

Benign so long as the people enforcing those rules don't step over the line of decency in enforcing those rules. Benign so long as they don't scare the puppies half to death, and destroy or confiscate property which is important to the survival of the puppy, benign so long as they don't rip at the soul of a puppy so hard with the unspoken message that the puppy is worth nothing and deserves that treatment simply because he or she is homeless. so hard that the puppy weeps and cringes in fear at what is to come from the people who are supposed to be protecting them.

Yeah, that amendment needs to be 'splained'.

And this is how it should be 'splained.' Real simple. And to the point.

Fourth Amendment. Protection from unreasonable search and seizure. Ok, we agree to the search and seizure part, and that is going to guarantee the assurance that nobody is hiding harmful or illegal substances. And if they are, then please, by all means, remove the harmful and or illegal substances, and, if necessary, the people hiding them.... and take the vitamins and the candy bars too. You know how we can get with too much sugar and Vitamin B.

But think again about abusing, with brutality, and heartlessness, the unreasonable part.

Because the next time anybody tries that monkey business of brutalizing the dignity and souls of street puppies and treating us like road kill or retreads, well, The great singer Tom Petty probably said it best in his song "Stand My Ground."

Well we won't back down
You can stand us up at the gates of hell
but we won't back down

Well we know what's right, and we got just one life
in a world that keeps pushin' us around
we will stand our ground
and we won't back down.